Naruto Casts And The Psychiatrist!
by YuKiKuRo
Summary: Naruto casts go in the office of the... psychiatrist. Watch the psychaitrist go crazy over their answers. FIRST CHAP: Gaara's Psychiatrist!
1. Gaara's Psychiatrist

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto, if I do… you won't like the fact.

**Summary: **Naruto casts go in the office of the… psychiatrist. Watch the psychiatrist go crazy!

**- 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-10 -**

Chapter 1: Gaara's visit!

Gaara entered the psychiatrist's office. He doesn't know why, but his sister suggested him to do so, besides if he doesn't come, his chocolate bar would go bye bye, and down to Temari's esophagus.

Gaara lied on a bed-like seat, a man wearing glasses seating beside me. "Good afternoon, Gaara. I'm Dr. Abbot. Just relax and tell me your answers to my questions. Tell me, Gaara. What did you do this morning?"

Gaara sighed. "I buried Kankurou to his dog's tomb, he kept on irritating me and saying he miss his stupid, ugly, dead dog, and he was like… 'I wish I was with him right now, stupid Gaara, he squashed little Doggie-poo.' So yeah, I buried him together with that smelly carcass of his dog. Hmm… I also go on a killing spree at the forests, and served Temari some exotic dish called, 'Gaara's Crushed Turtle Sludge with Deer's bones tidbits'. And I also laughed maniacally before the tomb of Doggie-poo." Gaara answered.

Dr. Abbot stared at him weirdly, and then cleared his throat. "Erm, right… So, uh, do you kill people asking so many questions to you?"

Gaara grinned, and cackled. "Yes, I slaughter them and tear their body parts and throw their bloody carcasses on my sister's underwear dresser."

The psychiatrist was silent for a while. "Is there something wrong, Dr. Robot?" Gaara asked, still with that wide grin of his.

"Erm.. Nothing at all, Mr. Gaara, sir. And it's Dr. ABBOT."

Dr. Abbot laughed nervously. "Uh… please tell me, w-w-what makes you want to kill p-people?" Dr. Abbot squeaked.

"Hmm… I randomly kill people if I feel like it. But, I like killing people who are afraid of me."

Dr. Abbot was sweating like hell now. "Erm…" He said with a deep manly voice.

"Continue on…"

Gaara chuckled silently. "I remember when I killed Mr. Koalla because he kept on asking me stupid questions. I took his inners and threw them to Kankurou's Doggie-poo, yeah that ugly dog is alive by then. That Doggie-poo liked his body parts, that I even made a rag out of Mr. Koalla's clothes."

Dr. Abbot laughed tensely. "Er… Who's Mr. Koalla again?"

"Oh, he's my psychiatrist." Dr. Abbot was about to flee. But then again… "Oh wait, no, he's not my psychiatrist."

Dr. Abbot sighed a relief inwardly. "He's my **dead **psychiatrist. That incapable guy is interrogating me, and I love killing that bastard. Blood was splattered everywhere! And his attendant was like, 'OH MAH GAWD! DR. KOALLA'S DEAD!… Can I have his laptop?' And then I also killed the attendant, I want to go on a killing spree so badly that…"

Dr. Abbot cleared his throat. "Um… W-when was this?"

"Oh, last year. I even got a picture."

Gaara handed Dr. Abbot a picture. "Sniff, he was really looking good in that picture."

Dr. Abbot covered his mouth, he thought he was gonna puke! "Erp… Yes, he does look good in here. T-This is Doggie-poo, r-right?"

"Oh yes, Dr. Goat. He looks quite great with that feast of his."

"Erm, his feast looks… delicious. Whatever is it?"

"Oh, that's Mr. Koalla's inners." Gaara answered.

Dr. Abbot widened his eyes. "Oh, Dr. Abbot, I have a problem." Gaara said, still lying in that bed-like chair.

"W-what?"

"Me and my sibs are supposedly about to have a party going on later…"

"Er… Do you want to invite me?" Dr. Abbot asked with an uneasy smile.

"I'm afraid not, Dr. Abbot. The real reason is, I forgot to go in a killing spree, and it's too late to do so. Besides, my sibs want some more exotic dish so…" Gaara turned to Dr. Abbot and grinned evilly. "You'll have to do, right?"

Dr. Abbot gulped.

**- 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-10 -**

"Hey, Gaara. What do you call this amazing dish?" Temari asked. "And where's Kankurou?"

Gaara grinned broadly, his apron and chef's hat still on. "I don't know where Kankurou is and…"

Gaara rubbed his chin playfully. "I call that, 'Gaara's psychiatrist'."

**1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-10 –**

**A/n**: BWAHAHAHA! I'M SO EVIL! Next Chapter would be… "Itachi's Appointment"


	2. Itachi's Appointment

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto. How sad.

**A/n: **I know… it took me a long time to update! Please, don't rub it in. However, I promise I'll _try _to update sooner than usual. By the way, suggestions are welcome, too! That way I won't have to think much! Har Har!

Oh yeah, I forgot. Many thanks for Optimistic-Pessimist! You gave me ideas! YAY!!

I'm kinda bored when I did this chapter. So… don't blame me if you don't like it… please.

-

**Itachi's Appointment!**

Itachi entered the room of the psychiatrist with Kisame by his side. The fish-guy have to make sure that Itachi wouldn't kill anyone because if he does, they'll have to pay double.

Well, for Itachi, he was actually pissed off because he can't do his usual routines of killing. He jumped on the small bed like chair. Soon… he bounced up and down on it while cheering, "whee! Whee! Wheeeee!" Kisame and the psychiatrist stared at him weirdly. "I thought he was scary?" the psyhiatrist whispered to Kisame.

"Yeah. I thought so, too."

Itachi noticed the looks he had been receiving so he stopped abruptly. He cleared his throat and glared at the two. Ah, the Ultimate Uchiha Glare, Itachi Style™!

"Good morning, Uchiha Itachi! I'm Dr. Abbot." The guy said, attempting to shake hands with Itachi. But Itachi just stared at his outstretched hand. "Er, you're suppose to shake your hands."

Itachi started to wiggle his hands and fingers. "Like this?"

Dr. Abbot sighed. "Grab my hand." He instructed. Itachi clutched his hand. Unfortunately, this broke Dr. Abbot's bones, but he showed no sign of it. Tough psychiatrist he is.

"Now shake your hands."

Itachi narrowed his eyes, "dude… How can I do that when my hand's occupied?"

Dr. Abbot slapped his forehead with his other hand. "Okay, move your hand up and down."

Itachi tilted his head to the side, "that didn't make any sense."

The psychiatrist growled, "like this." He moved his hands like so and Itachi smiled widely like an idiot. He did so. Unfortunately, Itachi got too enjoyed by it that he didn't know he was slamming Dr. Abbot from the floor to the ceiling. Floor, Ceiling. Floor, Ceiling! Kisame laughed hysterically by the scene before him. But he stopped all of a sudden when he realized this wasn't right.

"Itachi! Stop!"

Itachi gave Dr. Abbot a final blow before he let go. Apparently, he died. So some unknown guy dragged him away. Meanwhile, a new psychiatrist entered. "Good Morning, Uchiha Itachi." He stretched his hand towards Itachi. Itachi grinned, sadly Kisame stopped him before he can kill another psychiatrist.

"I'm Dr. Cowabunga. Pleased to meet you."

Itachi glared at him, "I want Dr. Abbot."

"Dr. Abbot? But Dr. Abbot is long dead. He's even in this cookbook by a guy called Gaara." Cowabunga shoved a cookbook in front of him. Itachi scratched his head, "then who's the dude before?"

"That's Dr. Doofus. He died several times before. Yesterday, he was killed by a guy who looks like a fish." Cowabunga exclaimed. Kisame started to whistle as he heard that, acted as if he didn't know anything.

"Whoa! So he can resurrect like that and all those stuff?"

"Yeah, most likely. Anyway, let's start with the session, shall we? What have you done earlier, Mr. Itachi?"

Itachi sighed, "a while ago I killed Dr. _Doofus_ accidentally. Earlier before that, I sent a naked picture of Kisame to the most popular website. I videotaped Sasuke while he's taking a bath. I manicured my nails and finally, I blew a big bubble out of gum and I almost died of suffocation when it popped!"

"You manicure your nails? Eww!" Dr. Cowabunga whined. Seems like he like to die early. "So what? Pinkish Olive is such a cool color." Itachi replied while he stared lovingly at those nails. "Oh what a beauty!"

"That's weird, Mr. Itachi. But anyway, how do you feel about the things that you did?"

"Well I feel… Damn it! So bored! Do you actually _believe _I could live a whole morning without killing at least ten people? So far I've only killed Dr. Doofus and the assistant in the counter!" He panicked and almost left, but Dr. Cowabunga stopped him.

"Calm down, Mr. Itachi."

"Well I better! If I don't I'll have to kill ya."

"**_CALM DOWN, MR. ITACHI! _PLEASE!**" Dr. Cowabunga shouted. Itachi breathe a heavy sigh and smiled big. "Do I get a cookie?"

Kisame rolled his eyes and tossed a small cookie into Itachi's open mouth. "Thank you! You're very kind."

Dr. Cowabunga sweat dropped. He sighed, "so if you kill many people you feel… happy. Why?"

From nowhere, Itachi grabbed a Kleenex and dramatically pat the bottom of his eyes, "oh, it was so sad, Dr. Horsabooga! Our family was massacred by an evil, evil, but hot creature!" Kisame almost laughed, but he can't do that, can he?

"I thought you're the one who killed your family?"

"I did! But I just did that to test my God damn, oh-so-super powerful strength!" Itachi blew his nose and gave it to Dr. Cowabunga.

"Dr. Picadilla, I feel happy when I kill people because it make's me feel as if they're my family!"

"But why do you kill them?"

Itachi started to file his precious nails, "well that's just how it goes! If I don't kill them, would they still be my family? Of course not! My clan's dead." He stated and sighed heavily.

"You don't make any sense. Anyway, if you can… resurrect your clan, would you?" The psychiatrist asked, but his chair got farther to Itachi than before.

"No. If I resurrect them, I'll kill them again, ne?"

"Why?"

"Because I have to test my oh-so-powe-…"

Dr. Cowabunga's head ached. "What if you don't have any… strengths?" He asked. Itachi rolled his eyes, "**_hah_**! As if! Could _that _possibly happen?"

Dr. Cowabunga was really confused. He just didn't understand Itachi here. He sighed once more and asked another question, "you said earlier… that you feel like your family's the one you kill everyday. Why so?"

"Sometimes they look like someone in my clan, sniff." He recalled.

"Oh. Okay, I get it."

Itachi took off his cloak, "whew! It's awfully hot in here, don't you think?" To all of you readers: no! He's not naked!

Nevertheless, what shocked Dr. Cowabunga was Itachi was loaded with whole lotta weapons! He gulped, he wasn't safe in this place anymore. "Y-Yeah… it _is _hot. Let's call the assistant to turn up the chilliness…"

Itachi shook his head vigorously, "no! No! No! No! I killed her, remember? Are you paying attention?"

Dr. Cowabunga's heart beat thumped hard. "I was. Wait… does that mean the assistant looked like someone in your family?"

Itachi folded his arms against his chest, "nah, she just annoys me."

Dr. Cowabunga's eyes almost popped out of his skull, "do _I_ annoy you?"

Itachi rubbed his chin, "I don't _if_…" Kisame cleared his throat to keep Itachi from continuing his statement. Itachi pouted his bottom lip out, "fine! _No_, you don't annoy me, honestly."

Dr. Cowabunga sighed a relief secretly.

"But you know… you look like my father."


	3. Neji's Destiny?

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Naruto

**A/n: **BWAHAHAHAAA!! I'm updating! YAY! Review please…

TTTT YES, I KNOW!! I UPDATED LATER THAN USUAL!! I FEEL HORRIBLE!… But I can't help it. Those darn teachers won't let me have free time.

**- 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-10 –**

Neji's Visit 

"Good morning, Almighty Neji Hyuuga. I'm Dr. Marimar Aye!" A woman extended her arm towards Neji. Neji didn't acknowledge her greeting and instead sat on the chair. Dr. Marimar Aye cleared her throat, "Mr. Hyuuga, I know that you should be somewhere else other than in this room, why did you agree to come here?"

Neji sighed, "because it's fate. I have to go along the flow of Fate."

"Freak," Dr. Marimar mumbled. She rolled her eyes, "what did you do today?" She asked, a hint of boredom on her face.

"I went along the flow of Fate."

Dr. Marimar nodded slightly, "right. Anything else?"

"Nothing else. Because Fate wants me to get along the flow of Fate so I followed the flow of Fate and I try my best to not disappoint Fate because it might change the flow of Fate and if Fate does change my flow of Fate I have to get along the new flow of fate that could change my Fate forever." He stated in one breath… Pretty amusing, right?

"Um, I didn't get that. Anyway, I heard that you tried to kill your cousin. What's her name again? Piñata?"

"It's Almighty Hinata. I tried to kill her because I have to go along the flow of Fate."

"Why do you follow the flow of Fate, anyway?"

"Because if I don't it might change—" Before Neji continued, Dr. Marimar cut him off. "Whatever." She said, slightly freaking out by this kind of behavior. "Why did you try to kill Hinata?"

"Because I have to go along the flow of Fate."

"What's the flow of Fate for Hinata?"

"Everyone's Fate is to **die**. If Almighty Hinata would die sooner or later, why not get over it? She'll die anytime. I figured, if you kill someone sooner than planned, then they won't have to suffer anymore! Am I right, Dr. Marimar? Am I right?"

Dr. Marimar cleared her throat. "But isn't killing her sooner than planned be um, opposing the flow of Fate? It only means that your making a new flow of Fate yourself!"

Everything went silent. Finally, Neji spoke. "I never thought of that."

Then, Neji gasped. "Oh my God! I've been opposing the flow of Fate! Oh mighty Fate!! Forgive me." Neji started to weep. TTTT

"I'm sorry, oh mighty Fate! I've disappointed you!"

A ray of light suddenly flowed in the room with fog appearing. A divine sound was heard from the radio, "Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!" A deep voice emerged from the light. "It is all right, my dear Follower Neji. I forgive you."

Neji bowed lowly and thanked Fate. "You are truly merciful, oh mighty Fate."

"I know. That's because I'm the best! Goodbye, fellow follower! Always follow the flow of Fate! Remember, I—" The music abruptly was turned off, and the light and fog was sucked by an unknown vacuum cleaner. "Okay, back to business, Mr. Hyuuga." Dr. Marimar interrupted.

"You… You evil entity! You interrupted oh mighty Fate!"

"Die, Dr. Marimar! Die!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Hyuuga. But killing me would be changing the flow of Fate!" Dr. Marimar grinned insolently. "Hah! Smack that on your face!"

Neji growled and finally a ball of radiance formed on his hands. "Oh my God! What's that? Rasengan? Chidori?" Dr. Marimar asked with pure desolation on her face. Neji smirked and shook his head. "Fool! This is not Rasengan nor Chidori! Because hello? Hyuugas only had the Byakugan and those stuff. But, Fate gave me this power! Just so I could vanquish you!"

"What's that?"

"Kamehame Wave!!"

"No! That is not possible! That technique is prohibited by this series! That technique is not supposed to exist here. It is only possible in the Dragonball Saga!" Dr. Marimar started to run away.

"Everything's possible if you just believe… in Fate!"

Shhhwwaaaam!!

Neji cheered. Unfortunately, he heard that impudent laugh. "Bwahahahahahaaa! You don't know me yet, Mr. Hyuuga!" She lived! Oh no! "I am Etaf! The eternal rival of Fate! I am a lot stronger than you! Nyahahahahahaa!!" She announced proudly.

Dr. Marimar evolved to an evil witch! She became… Etaf! Only one thing to do.

"To the Batcave!"

Etaf laughed. "You know better than that, idiot!" She bonked him on the head as it made a huge hump on his head. "Aaah! My beautiful head!" He snarled. "You'll pay!"

But then, Neji's bump on the head suddenly fell off! "What the—?"

Neji picked it up and it opened. It was actually a ball of robotic thimajig! "My dear Follower… Only thy self can destroy thy self!" A voice echoed. "Master Fate! What does that mean?"

"You'll know, Neji. You'll know."

Neji thought for a while why Etaf filed her nails.

"Only thy self can destroy thy self."

Neji lit up and then pointed an accusing finger at Etaf. "Etaf! What is your power?!" He asked. Etaf sneered at him, "very powerful."

"That's not what I meant, moron!"

Etaf grinned widely, "I make bumps. Humps. Lumps! In fact, I'm goin to show you an oration!"

She started to chant, "whachagana du widol dajank ol dajank insayd mayham!"

"Oh my God!"

Etaf smirked, "that is from the famous Blak Aye Pis!"

"Only thy self can destroy thy self!"

Neji picked up the bump that Etaf made on his head. He threw it directly to her chest. As the lump made contact, Etaf shrieked. "Aaah! It burns!" She cried out with a sick look.

"How'd you find my weakness?!" Etaf asked with a loud yelp.

"Only thy self can destroy thy self!"

-

Dr. Marimar died.

And Neji got promoted by Fate! He became… Sidekick!

Oh joy.

Kakashi read the newspaper and saw a picture of Dr. Marimar with a lump on her chest. He clucked his tongue, "pity… and she looked like a really sexy—ahem. Maybe I should visit the psychiatrist! It sounds fun!"

Why so?

"Because I'll take an appointment for a very beautiful psychiatrist!"

Pervert.

Next chapter! The Devil Wears Prada! Also known as… Kakashi's Psychiatrist!


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